Kathy Speaks.....

I'd like to invite you Jovanner's to read the insightful words of Kathy, aka as playaplayakathy on the jovan boards! She shares with you all her love present and past for JOVAN. It's a good one! Enjoy!!


This is long ya’ll…sit down and take a minute while I take you back to how it started for me…..


I’m weird.

If you’ve ever talk to me, you’ll get that right off the bat. I like to go with the flow which is why I have very easily fallen into a plethora of fandoms at various stages of my youth but I’m only going to mention the important ones. When I was 8 (maybe younger) I fell for Sailor Moon. That was my first “obsession,” and as I grew older, I started to shun Sailor Moon and was ALL about Darien/Tuxedo Mask. I was mad over him. Till this day I still think/say “he was the finest piece of paper.” (And he is dang it!) Nothing could take their place, I had so foolishly once thought.

Then there was Dragon Ball Z.(that theme song was tight) Guku allllllllll the way. Hated his son with a PASSION. Thought he (Gohan) stole the spot light from Guku. Didn’t like that one bit. I didn’t want to see how Gohan was getting stronger, I couldn’t care less. He took away from Goku imo and for a moment he was the strongest person (he was only 7) alive. I hated that. I hated him and I wanted him deader than dead. I thought I could never dislike “someone” as much as I did Gohan. Years later, a certain red head will make a liar of me.

After DBZ, there was X-Men.I feed into it real easy. I was a comic book geek already but up until that point I was a DC girl. I fell HARD for Storm/Wolverine. I did the group thing (I was a lurker), cruised websites, read (still do actually) fanfiction about them, but I never wrote. I did the whole nine for them. Or at least what I thought was the whole nine. I didn’t know what the whole nine was back then…..

And through it all, Sailor Moon, DBZ, RoLo (the shipper’s name for Storm and Wolverine) there was Batman. My favorite Superhero Yep, that’s right. The Dark Knight, Caped Crusader, Detective, Masked Manhunter, World's Greatest Detective, Ole Pointy Ear (lol The Joker had jokes). He was my tortured guy with the dead parents and a thirst for justice (ring a bell?). I got theories on this man that I’ve been working on since I was 14! I’ll even tell you why Batman and Robin sucked so bad but that’s another story and I’m sure no one cares L

You’re probably wondering why am I talking about my past folly? The past is a good indicator for the future. I’ve been crazy about other fictional characters before, that’s nothing new. JoVan is. Nothing has nor will it ever compare to my love and complete insanity when it came to John McBain and Evangeline Williamson.

I thought I was obsessed over Sailor Moon, but I wasn’t. I just liked it. I thought I hated Gohan, I didn’t. I merely just didn’t like him. I thought I did the whole nine for RoLo. I didn’t. I barely touched a foot when it came to them.

I learned the true meaning of obsessed, hatred, and going the distance/ doing the whole nine for a figment of someone else’s imagination on June 28, 2004.

Ding ding ding. BASEMENT!!!

I can precisely remember the day that I saw them. It was June 28, 2004, I was watching Passions on my brother’s bed in his room (duh!) and it was either commercial (hate hate hate commercials. I refuse to watch them!) or it was so damn stupid that I changed the channel. Either way, I changed the channel. Thank God for that!

In Miami, NBC was channel 6 and I pressed the button to go higher. 7. 8. 9. 10.

Bam! Lightning struck!

I saw them. They were in the dark, sharing a bottle of red wine. Talking. I’ll be honest, what attracted me to them was the difference in the hues of their skin. I was intrigued.

They were talking about their dads, winning and some chick name Caitlin. His voice sounded familiar, he looked familiar but I couldn’t place him. And then the man kissed the woman. I gasped and then screamed! CALEB!!!!!!!!

I DIED!

Now even more hooked than I already was, I watched glued to that bed, my eyes never wavering from my screen, Passions LONG forgotten. That day, no that second, I was a goner. Any other fandom that used to occupy my mind was the past. Two soap characters that I just saw had superseded them.

The basement spanned over two days, it took me only a second to become a JoVanaholic
without even knowing. Love at first sight and I knew nothing of them.

I didn’t even know the name of the soap! I didn’t know a damn thing about it but I knew I found something that I planned to hang on to. After it was done, I rushed to Bob I (slow as hell computer, dial up) got on ABC.com. Went through the list of every man’s and woman’s name until I saw them.

John and Evangeline. Michael Easton and Renée Elise Goldsberry.

My obsession began.

From that day forward, I watched EVERY day and to my dismay, they were hardly on and when they were on they weren’t together. Talk about Cruel and Unusual punishment! I wasn’t getting what I needed on screen, so I turned to the internet. I cruised online for info on them; joined yahoo group(s), message boards and I actually participated! Something I never did for RoLo.

We are talking about fucking addicted.

Once I found the message boards, I found myself right smack dab in the middle of the infamous Jo-Wars. I hid behind my moniker (a name praising Sonny) as I cussed people out, got into malicious debates/arguments over fictional characters. It’s like they were cussing ME out and I sure as hell wasn’t going to stand by and say nothing. So I jumped right into the fray; head first. I knew it was crazy because HELLO, they aren’t real. But damnit if I kept on doing it.

You couldn’t tell me shit.

I was holding down the fort. It was ride or die. And I was all in. They very quickly became all I cared about. Fuck school, Fuck Sailor Moon, Fuck DBZ, Batman what??! Who???!! What I had once felt for them couldn’t touch my undying, scary devotion to John and Evangeline.

I immediately thought about Dr. Phil…..

And as if I wasn’t hooked enough, the yahoo groups were on and poppin’. It was a riot back then. If I were to not check my e-mail for two days, I wouldn’t be able to get any more mail because I would have exceeded the amount of mail I’m allowed to have by AOL. I can’t tell you how many times my yahoo account bounced because of that ….

There was no better haven for a JoVan fan than those groups. So many differing opinions and personality uniting under the umbrella that was J&E. Let’s take a trip down memory lane….

There were battles between the Hovelites and the Divadwellians. Hovalites thought Eva was going to move in with John in his hovel aka roach motel; the Divadwellians wanted her to have her own place. The war ended when we saw Evangeline’s ugly bedroom set and fugly bedspread. It was the day she gave John the footballs (you know the eagle football, that is in his office!)l. Victory to the Divadwellian!

Everything that John and Evangeline said was dissected. We had theories, assumptions, speculation. We took out our “high-tech FBI equipment” and paid attention to the most minuscule detail. Analyzing every touch (of which there was many), caress, expression, etc… Nothing escaped us!

We had ways in watching JoVan and we talked about which way was better to maximized JoVan’s hotness. We talked to death when would be the right time to zoom in to get the best shot, what scene was best watched in slow motion (the love scenes of course!). There was no stone left unturned when it came to John and Evangeline for us.

We were nuts and having a ball. I remember when E gave J the football there was a string wrapped around it (we died gushing about it) and then it fell to the floor, the string coming undone.

We died. And this time not from gushing. Some of us were in a fit, on the ledge, ready to jump. And believe you me, my foot was already hanging off the cliff. Thankfully we had some sane Jovanners who talked us down.

We had bets on when certain things would take place, DebbieVision, extremely thoughtful posts, campaigns, voting! OMG! We RULED About.com! When J&E were together, no other couple EVER won! As a fanbase, we rocked! There were games, and not to mention off topic conversation that took place that had NOTHING to do with Jovan. We were a family….

I can’t talk about the yahoo groups without mentioning the McNickNames. If there was a scene, with John, there was a McNickName. It was usually a dig at him because he was just SO irritating or doing something stupid (Natalie) and embarrassing (that dip in river!). Some of them SO funny, that it stayed with me after all these years. McShortBus. McLetMeKissYourPukeyLips. McBeg. McPleaseDontGo. McLoser, McAss. McIneedafootupmyass. McInneedofsomeclarity. McSexWalking. McSitYourAssDown. McOnHisJ-O-B. McGumchomper. McNeverSolveACase. \. McLicious. McGuiltridden. McStuckAtTenEmotionally. McBellyflop. McFlounder. McZoloft. McPain. Johnny McCowpoke

Ahhh the memories….What a creative bunch they were. I’d like to take part of the credit but God knows I’m not creative.

I even found another outlet for my JoVan induced craziness. Writing. I am by no means a writer but it worked. I was able to write JoVan the way I wanted to and give them the respect TPTB weren’t.

They didn’t see the gold they had in ME/REG. I did. We did. So I wrote them down for the pleasure of my fellow jovanners. I remember my first fic, Dream.*Shudders* I’m sure it must be horrid. And then Pari did the archive and I began writing JoVan smut all under the guise of it being a one-shot.

I never thought it was weird, or strange that I actually took the time out of my boring, bleak existence to write for them. Heck, I had papers, research papers I should have been doing in lieu of them but they weren’t important JoVan was.

The writing thing never took off for me like it did with most (if not all) of my fellow writers. It was just something I did, something that people enjoyed so I wrote for them. And when JoVan love train stopped so did my writing. I didn’t want to create a world; I wanted to SEE the world. I wanted to see JoVan on my screen or not all….

Through fan fiction, I found even more people that I connected with and who loved JoVan just as much if not more (scary thought). It was awesome. We were all one big, happy JoVan Nation.

And despite having so much people to talk to about John and Evangeline with, I still had so much to say. So much more. I talked people’s ear off in real life about them. My BFFs know just as much about JoVan as I do. The voicemails I would leave them about John and Evangeline…they were long too. So long that I got cut off and I would have to call again and leave another one and of course I did.

And we are talking about three if not more voicemails. They would get one right before I watched the show and I would be giddy with anticipation or nervous to see the scenes that I knew weren’t going to be good (The Week of Hell Jan 3 – Jan 7 05). During and after watching said scenes, I would call them to tell them what happened---like they cared. They didn’t. But so what? I did!

The madness that had engulfed knew no bounds.

Every other word out of my mouth was JoVan. Quoting them, telling people how they met, what they wore. Showing them my edits. And when I wasn’t talking about them I was thinking about them. And if I wasn’t thinking about them, I was writing them down in my math thingy while the teacher’s voice drone on and one. It’s a wonder, I got through school…..

It was sick.

And to prove how far gone I was, there was one time I came home after school and RUSHED to my room so I can watch OLTL. Because that was the ONLY day JoVan was on all week.
I’ve been (sadly) waiting for this day. It was the highlight of my week.

I arrived in my room and saw my VCR was unplugged. What happened in result of it being unplugged is sadly the truth. It turned out that my mom had unplugged my VCR for some dumb reason (grrrr).

I DIED!

All hell broke loose and I threw the mother of all tantrums. I slammed the door (repeatedly, had to get my point across) cursed like a sailor, kicked and punched the walls, screamed (several times) like someone was stabbing me. I left a NASTY voicemail on my cousin’s phone, every other word out of my mouth was “fuck” And then I CRIED!

I never cry. I hate crying. Yet I did for them. And I mean real tears, eyes all red, runny nose. I was a hot mess. From the way I was carrying one, one would think someone actually did something to me. BUT THEY DID! She unplugged my VCR! The audacity! She might as well have killed me…..it would have been less painfully.

It, no, I was sick.

But I didn’t care. I was jovanized and as we used to say way back when, “I didn’t want no stinkin’ cure.”

It wasn’t long before a horrid thunderstorm rained on my JoVan bliss. That thunderstorm came clomping its way by the name of Natalie Balsom Buchanan Vega aka gnat aka skank aka no fucking pride.

I hated/abhorred/detested/loathed/despised her. Still do. With a PASSION. Whatever feeble emotions I felt toward Gohan didn’t hold a candle to the feelings that gripped me when that skank entered the pictured. It was bad enough that they were hardly on or together but then to add that albatross? OH HELL NO!

I was livid. I really lost what little sanity I had then. She had to be the most idiotic, stupid, pathetic, deplorable, ubiquitous (haha), dismal, pitiful excuse of a female character in daytime. Ever! There was a time I couldn’t turn on that damn soap without trepidation of seeing her rolling eyeballs, contorting lips, loud wails, and I-need-to-go-to-acting-school-because-I can't-act-but-tiic-keep-shoving-me-down-the-viewer's-throat.

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

From then on, my JoVan induce haze was short-lived. They fought about her like she was someone—correction---something important. John put on his cape and tights and went to go save her. Damn his Hero-Complex. Not to mention his Issues/Demons.

He lied about her (Evangeline) being the person he would say those words to. She lied about all she needed was a chance and she would stick with him forever.

My world came crushing down June 9, 2005. It was a Thursday. I vividly remember where I was. I was at my cousin’s house, in her guest bedroom watching it live. My sister was watching tennis. I remember having a small break down, every time I thought about them breaking up. (I read it in SOD; weeks before it happened; needless to say, I DIED)

I was clutching a pillow to my chest, crying my eyes out. My sister walked in periodically to laugh at me. I wanted to tell her to fuck off but I was wallowing in my pain. Lapping it up. Staying in the moment. They broke up for no good reason IMO but whatever DF was coming back and MA thought she was more special then she was.

Fuck them.

Apparently it was all about Jolie. Easton must not have gotten the memo and I must have missed that transpiring on screen.

Oh wait. They had an alleged “connection.”

One of the many casualties in the wake of Jokie, John being the greatest.

They took a perfectly good word; connection and ruined it. That word will forever be associated with Jokie for me. They kept telling us that Nolie had a connection. What connection? We asked. We got go no reply. And yet there was Evangeline using “connection” about Jokie, there was that Skank telling people about Jokie’s unproven “connection”.

“What fucking connection?” We screamed. That question has yet to be answered. I reckon I’ll die before I ever know……

Without TIIC meaning to it was answered, however, for John and Evangeline. John may not have said the words but he expressed it in a “million, wordless way”. It was in every deep stare, lingering gaze, and small touch. It was how in the end of day, he went to Evangeline! He could have EASILY have had Natalie, Evangeline being the graceful woman that she is, would have stepped aside, but he chose not to.

He chose/wanted to be with Evangeline and no matter what Jokie/TIIC tell me, I’m not believing otherwise. If that Skank hadn’t manipulated the situation to her advantage, almost gotten her self killed (*sighs* what a missed chance) and attempted (and failed) to use her feminine wiles would John really have noticed her? No! A resounding no at that.

JoVan was the real deal but I don’t have to tell you that; you’re reading this.

I felt it. ME/REG told me a story that TIIC wanted to diss and called “hot sex” as if that’s all they were. Whatever! They wanted us to believe that it was nothing. The hell it was. I knew better; I saw it. I believed it. I believed it so much that it drove me to writing this to share my story.

Why were they so special to me? Why did I fall into them so easily? What is it specifically about them? Evangeline asked John that once and he said “you make me think,…. you make me face something… that I avoided for a long time and you make me feel….you make me feel things I’d never thought I’d feel again”.

Can I be unoriginal and steal what he said? JoVan made me think, they expanded my writing abilities and showed me a world I didn’t know could exist. JoVan made me face my reality and I realize that what they had, their chemistry, their unabashed sexual appeal was what I wanted in ALL the couples I root for. Primetime and Daytime. I want a carbon copy like yesterday. JoVan made me feel things that was just unreal and depending on your POV nuts especially since they are not real.

I love them more than I do a lot of things in my life. I’ve told people if my house was burning and I could only save one thing, it would be my JoVan edits. Everything else is replaceable.

People keep telling me its just a soap to which I replied “Fuck the soap. I have NO loyalty to OLTL.” My loyalty has always and will always be with John and Evangeline. I’m not a John fan, I’m not a Evangeline fan.

I’m a JEFF to the core! They were real to me and despite people telling me otherwise, I remain to think so.

They are REAL. Not in the sense that I could reach out and touch them but what they represented, what they have instilled in me. John/ME and Evangeline/REG have IT and I would have been a damned, crazed fool not to see the red hot, sexy, sensual chemistry that they exuded. GROWN and SEXY!

And I was no damned, crazed fool.

Almost three years ago I found something in John and Evangeline that is indescribable. I could never fully explain to anyone what they have meant to me although I have tried (and boy have I tried!). It’s nonsensical that I have built this unweaving, steadfast love for a fictional couple in a soap opera that does not know or value what they had in John/Me and Evangeline/REG.

Fuck them too (the soap opera!)!

June 28, 2004 was the day I met and fell happily into an obsession for something that was destined to fall prey to a headwriter’s evil pen. But All is Fair in love right? That’s what I’m told anyway…. rubbish if you ask me.

Their unappreciated, unacknowledged but never forgotten romance came to an end (to the great melancholy of fans) on June 9 2005. Two days before my birthday. Happy fucking birthday to me.

I’ll always love John and Evangeline. [cue Whitney Houston’s ‘I will Always Love You’]. Always. The feelings have and will probably dim even more as time goes by but then I’ll see something that will remind me of them and I’m right back in 04-05. A resurgence of emotions for a time, a supercouple that has long since past. Just as strong and just as weird.

Hi, I’m Katherine and I am a JoVanaholic and I STILL don't need nor want a stinkin’ cure!

Bradley Speaks!

Allthingsjovan.com Blog will feature commentary from JOVAN fans. It our great pleasure to share with you the insightful thoughts of our FanFiction Diva and Jovanslut Bradley Spence, known to many of you as oltlfantimes10.

Enjoy!

I can’t figure out the exact date it was that JOVAN first caught my attention. I do know it was over the holiday season, between around Thanksgiving and early December. I do know where I was that first time I spotted them though, my mother’s living room couch. I was always a fan of One Life to Live, started with Marty’s rape trial, and went on from there. I would check back several times a year to se if I could get hooked again. Well in either November 2004 or December 2004 I was hooked again.

This damn soap pulled me in with two characters that were new to me and from my past relationship, new to OLTL. I watched the day after Todd and Blair’s non wedding, hoping that the show would continue this intense make out session between two characters I later learned where John and Evangeline. But I didn’t get that, but that was OKAY! I and the rest of the soap viewing world got something even better, an adult conversation about the pitfalls of love, relationship and commitment’s made between two adults. I learned about the tragedy John had suffered and the woman, Evangeline’s view on marriage and matters of the heart due to her own personal issues.

I sat intrigued, captivated, enthralled in two characters so quickly that it literally left me begging for more, hating the weekend and begging for a Monday to come. I was on the Soap Net message boards in a heartbeat, not knowing about any other one’s at first. Then came the ABC message boards and Swept Away.

Ahhhhhh………..

Fan fiction the ultimate DRUG! And I became an addict. I’m not ashamed to say I rationed it at first. I was sucking it up then found myself quickly running out of my drug so I learned to pace myself. One chapter here, two chapters there, never a whole story at once because I would O.D. My life became the show, or should I say John and Evangeline became my life. Clips, Bios, website after website, fan fic after fan fic story; I was never fulfilled. That was until I started to do my OWN THANG!

Then I had a new drug, it pumped through my veins, in my head and poured out of my finger tips.

Writing…..

I never was good at it, grammar sucked, mind raced so fast (still does) that I couldn’t get it on the screen or the paper, (still quiet a problem, even as I write this…) I procrastinated on papers, and school work, lied to fried about being sick just to stay home and write to feed my new addiction. Friends found my new obsession odd, but hell so am I! I met new friends via John and Evangeline and my writing obsession. Then the unthinkable happened!

Wooden boy David Fumero aka Cristian ‘The Loser’ Vega decided he wanted to get off his GQ ass and work. Oh not to mention Ms. Melissa ‘I want what she has’ Archer decided that Michael and Renee’s paring was too popular, and she wasn’t being featured enough for her over grown ego to handle.

Let’s not forget the ULTIMATE TRANSGRESSION, the introduction of Ms. Dena ‘I think I call myself a writer’ Higley decided to ungracefully bring her notions of what makes a good soap to my beloved One Life to Live. Her hair brained notions of creating Events rather than Character driven plots hurt my heart. Yes, there were some amazing John and Evangeline moments under Hig’s current reign, but it didn’t and couldn’t compare with what my DVD edits gave me before she decided to inflict pain, suffering and stupidity on the citizens of Llanview. Who I once knew as my ruthless yet kind hearted and caring lady lawyer was gone. My brooding, emotionally crippled cop had all but disappeared.

By the time the KCK storyline was over with the removal of the Non-Buchanan from the pit of ‘where her trifling ass should have stayed’ was over my love for the show was gone. I fell off the ABC message boards, my lurking on the Yahoo groups dwindled. Prime example of my obsession…I went to school about an hour and a half away from my mother’s house, I had to find something to pass the time on the drive. At the peak of my obsession, I had the ABC message board programmed into my cell phone’s web browser, as well as my Yahoo email address. I found the perfect way to pass the time, I would read message board posts on my CELL. DANGEROUS, Yes I know! But it was all in the name of my love of John and Evangeline, Michael and Renee.

Now with REG possibly leaving the show, my viewing of this show is no more. My TIVO has Three thumbs down on One Life to Live to prevent it from ever being recorded. I barely participate in message boards, yahoo, ABC, Soap net, or SOC. The only thing that has lasted has been my desire to WRITE. It is still an obsession, I still put off work to write, write at work when I should be testing kids, or working with teachers. When an idea pops in my head, it takes everything in me to focus on my work and get that done before posting a new chapter or new story.

I will for ever be grateful for the talents of Michael and Renee they introduced me to some amazing friends, writers, and Jovan addicts. They showed me, that hell I can write romantic love stories, family stories, suspense thrillers, comedies and angst that would make a grown man weep. Not to mention passion between two characters that so many witnessed and felt. So many people have said, they felt as if they were peeping Tom’s when witnessing John and Evangeline’s relationship.

The reality that Michael Malone created will never be matched by any other soap couple in history (my opinion of course, I’m sure other’s share it). Dean Higley has ruined my soap and my couple. I wanted them back, but now that I think about it, she would never do them the justice that they so deserve. I will continue to write, I have ideas that spring from movies, to television shows, to commercials, not to mention my mother’s wild and active imagination as well. She doesn’t find it weird in the least, hell she gave me the idea to write The Masks We Wear!

I love Evangeline and John, there are so many people who are just now finding them and growing to understand other Jovan fans obsession and determination to bring them back to the show. They will forever live on in fan fiction, our hearts, minds, and DVD’s. Thanks for letting me share my love and obsession with MY ultimate Soap Couple….

All Things Jovan - Blog

This is a safe haven blog for All Things Jovan, a site where we celebrate the amazing couple that was John and Evangeline on One Life To Live. If you were/are a fan of Jovan, you're welcome here. Post your thoughts, have fun, and don't forget to visit ALL THINGS JOVAN - Home!